Change is never easy. My life has changed so much over the past two and a half years, I hardly recognize myself. For over a decade, I traveled the country with my one woman show called The Story of Gomer. Gomer was my life, my passion, and my identity. One night at a sold out show at the Creation Museum in Petersburg, KY, the Lord spoke into my heart that it was all going to end. At least He prefaced the loss. The feeling was so strong it prompted me to confide in some close friends who attended the performance and I told them I had a feeling this would be one of my last shows. That was three years ago.
Shortly after that evening, we stopped getting bookings. The few we had on the calendar cancelled. Thus was the end of an era, and I questioned, “Why?”
Why, Lord? Why would you take this from me? Everything was going so well.
Not only did I lose my identity, I lost part of my income. We couldn’t keep our house. I just couldn’t believe God would do this to me after sacrificing and being so faithful to serving Him. WHY?????
Honestly, I still don’t have an answer. I’ve been trying to figure it out for the past two years. All I know is when I read the Bible, my life reflects all those who served Christ according to the New Testament. Name one person who had a “good ending” to their story in the world’s eyes. Name one who had it easy. Name one Christ follower who didn’t have trials and tribulations, disappointments and pain.
A couple weeks ago, I was asked to present The Story of Gomer for a small group at a local Church of God. Although I had not done the play in a while, I said yes. As the date drew near, I laid all of my costumes on the bed, praying that God would help me put the show back together and put the words back into my mind, but I just couldn’t do it.
I said, “Lord, what do I tell them?” He said, “Tell them the truth.”
We went to the church, and I told them the truth that I was struggling, that although I felt like a failure and had let them down, I decided I still needed to come and talk about Jesus and what He’s done for me. And the Truth Shall Set You Free…
So here I am, praying for what’s next.
Gone is my career, my identity, my livelihood, my house, and at the moment, my talent. But I have found at the end of all that, when everything is stripped away, I have Jesus.
The agonizing question is this,
IS HE ENOUGH?
There were times recently that I would have said, no, Jesus, you are not enough. I will gladly trade you for a bigger better house. I will trade you for a satisfying career. I will trade you for an exotic vacation. I will trade you for a world tour with one of my shows. I will trade you just to feel successful at…something.
But in the deepest part of my heart, He knows I have always loved Him. I would never trade my faith in Jesus Christ for anything this world can give me.
Now comes a season of reorganizing my ministry. The first time I stepped out in faith, I thought it would lead to blessings and prosperity, fame and applause.
Instead, it lead to Jesus.
And He is enough.