January 2nd, 2023
As I approach the two-year mark of my vaccine injury, I feel it is important to share my journey. I will attempt to put my experience into words. Some of it is so hard to think about. Now that I am finally walking out of it, I want to pretend it never happened. To be honest, it is almost like having a baby. They say when you see your child, you forget all about the pain. After having two children, I can tell you, for the most part, that is a true statement. When I see how far I have come, and that I am starting to live again, the pain of the last 23 months seems like a terrible dream.
But it wasn’t a dream, it was real.
How (and why) I came to receive the Moderna vaccine is a story in and of itself. I did voluntarily receive the first dose on 12/23/2020 with no problems other than an inflamed, sore arm which was hot to the touch and painful for almost a week. I received the 2nd Moderna Covid vaccine on 1/20/2021. After 8 to 10 hours of receiving the 2nd dose, I had a horrible headache. Like, “They are going to find me dead in the morning” headache. I took some NyQuil and managed to fall asleep. When I awoke, my ears were ringing, a condition called “tinnitus”. The ringing sounded like a siren going off in my head. I kept telling myself it was just one of the “mild and temporary” side effects that I was informed may happen when I got the jab.
As it turns out, my tinnitus was neither mild nor temporary. There were some other effects of the vaccine that made me really question what this thing was doing, and one was that it took me out of menopause and within one month of the 2nd dose, I started having regular cycles again. There I was at 55, having periods again which lasted for about four months. I also had some brain fog, vertigo, and numbness and tingling in my extremities, but because my ears were ringing so severely, the tinnitus took center stage. I did go to an ENT who said my hearing was fine and it could not possibly be the vaccine that caused it. Through all my research in the following months, I had to accept the fact that there is no cure for tinnitus, and I prayed my brain would acclimate. The only relief I found was out in nature, and the moments when I was so engaged in an activity or conversation that I didn’t notice.
There were some really dark moments as I battled the tinnitus, which kind of evolved into what sounded like “Electric Crickets” and then morphed into “Screaming Cicadas”. There were times I just didn’t want to live if I had to live with that sound 24/7. This sounds extreme, but I was so desperate one day that I started to bang my head against the wall, hoping that the pain would take my mind off of my ears.
Time passed, and I was doing fairly well acclimating to my new situation until almost exactly a year later. On January 24, 2022, I tested positive for Covid. Although I was double vaxxed, and wearing a mask, I still caught Covid and became very sick. (And yes, I do know when, how, and who I caught it from with written documentation because it was at work in my healthcare profession)
There was very little difference in my reaction to the vaccine, and my reaction to catching the actual virus, other than an intensification of my existing conditions, and a host of new ones. Once again, it immediately sent me into regular monthly cycles. Now here I am approaching 56 years old, and I am again knocked out of menopause. My tinnitus went through the roof. The numbness and tingling was now all over my body as the same sensation you have when you fall asleep on your arm and you cannot move it. Even my face and lips tingled. I could not walk very well, collapsing at times. I called it the “Drunken Sailor” or “Zombie” walk where your feet are far apart and you rock back and forth trying to get your legs to go forward. I had to walk around my house holding on to counter tops and furniture for months. The fatigue was just other-worldly, and no matter what I did, I could not feel rested. The way I went to sleep, if I did sleep, was the way I woke up. And I didn’t just have brain fog, it was also what I called “Empty Brain” where there was just nothing. Endless insomnia, profuse sweating, flatlined emotions, and a terrible feeling of gloom and despair. My entire personality changed. I used to be the life of the party, funny, optimistic, entertaining, outgoing, creative- all of that changed in the weeks after having the vaccine and Covid and are still lingering to this day.
There is so much more, SO MUCH MORE in the realm of physical symptoms that are ongoing that I have not mentioned because I want to get to this- In my opinion, the real battle lies in fighting back from the mental anguish, or the battle of the mind, which I do not want to go into and thus give the darkness a voice , but have to admit that it almost did me in. BUT GOD…
My faith in GOD, the Creator of the heavens and the earth, and who made me, who knows my suffering and loves me, has carried me through this ordeal. The Spirit of Truth, the Holy Spirit, spoke the Word of God into my ears and heart when darkness was in my mind.
Just in the past month or so, I am feeling much better and feel the strength returning to my body, and the person I used to be returning more every day.
I have decided to LIVE life to the absolute fullest in 2023.
My prayer is to get back to writing, and creating, and to get back on stage, no matter how I feel or if my ears are ringing, or whatever else may be thrown at me.
Of course, I pray every day for healing. The picture I have included is a hope for this life, and I was still very sick when I wrote that word in faith in the sand last summer, but even if I am not completely healed here on earth, I know that I have so much to look forward to in Heaven, when I am face to face with Jesus. That is a thought that has kept me going for the past two years.
I hope that my story gives others with chronic illness hope that the sun does shine again. Good days will come again. The fight back is hard. There are good days and bad days. Please give faith a chance. If you feel far away, please let your sickness bring you BACK TO HIS HEART.